Helping My Son to Not Be Afraid of Failure

Two years ago, my son was in the third grade and got a teacher who was...

Bully seems like a harsh word, but I don't know what other word to use in this case. My son goes to the local school here in Taiwan. Teachers here teach the same set of kids for two years in a row at the elementary level. He was in third grade, so he would have this teacher for two years. I transferred him out of the school after the first year because of this teacher.

My boy was prone to anxiety before he worked with her. As an example, he was on a baseball team. He loved baseball, but it was so hard for him to go because he was afraid of getting yelled at. One time I picked him up from practice early. I asked the coach on the sidelines where my son was, and he yelled, "Chet!!" My son came running, got in the car, and started crying.

"Why are you crying?"

"The coach yelled at me."

"Just now?"

"Yes."

I couldn't convince him that the coach was just calling him over.

That was the way my son was before this teacher. Over the year my child was with this teacher, she called him a liar and used his work as an example of what students shouldn't do. Publicly. Several times. My son would go to school so excited to show everyone the hard work that he had put into ANYTHING and just come home deflated. None of the kids would play with him. He sat in almost every recess fixing his penmanship or rewriting work. He had anxiety, which sent him to the bathroom a lot. She would accuse him of going to play with his friends instead of going to the bathroom. He'd come home crying that it was impossible that he would go play because he had no friends. I could go on and on. (And yes, I talked with the school, and the result was for them to tell my son to do better.)

The point is that his confidence is shot. He's in fifth grade now, and he's still afraid to try. If he does try and it's "wrong," he shuts down.

I am ready to publish my first book this month. He's excited for me (because he's sweet like that) and told me he wants to show his friends at school (he does have a few now).

"You don't have to wait. Here's a copy of the manuscript." And I showed him this:

It took him a while to get it.

This is the manuscript my editor sent back to me almost two years ago. I had given her a "perfect" copy. This is what she gave back to me. Since then I've rewritten it more times than I can count.

I don't know if it sunk in. But it surprised him. I hope he's seeing that mistakes are not the enemy. They are the teacher. I want that message to sink in for him and my other children and all my students and every child who wants to try.

Help me spread the message. Okay?